Worry Wart VS. The Peaceful Warrior

I'm conflicted most of the time. I have always struggled with one stream of thought at a time which makes my processing pretty convoluted to most everyone including myself. I can be really hard to live with, talk to, reason with and I have a mean streak. And this is me on a good day. I really don't try to be unagreeable, it just seems to come naturally. It use to make me depressed and then one day I realized Jesus loved me, and since then, I am O.K. with the arduous task that is the remaking of me in His image...I'll get there...eventually. Did I mention He loved me? This I know.

I woke this morning at 5 A.M. worried about....everything. I am worried over relationships, finances and my occupation which crowds out most of my creativity frequently. Just plain old worry. On top of that, I have been in a desert and have been for over a year. I have been depressed before, been hopeless before but never have I come to the Word of God and not been refreshed. This last year when I opened up the Bible I got zip, zero, nothing. Interesting but not the least bit funny.

At supper time, as a family, we have been reading the 4:8 Principle and it has been good but not earth shaking to me until this morning. I think the book is great but I have been jammed with worry so I couldn't hear for the schmutz in my ears. Reading Phillipians 4 in context was more than interesting to me. Paul begins with telling them he loves them and that they should stand. Standing is such a active posture-a readiness, prepared. Then, he tells a couple people to put aside their difference and start getting along in other words don't squabble over trite things.

Now that your mind is clear and you are in a posture ready for activity...Rejoice! Rejoice can be translated also, "be well and thrive." When I am worrying I am not thriving I am existing and just existing is like laying in your coffin waiting to die. Paul says rejoice twice in one sentence to press home the idea that rejoicing is a act of fighting back. Not giving up. Rejoicing allows our hearts to recalculates our brains so that we can receive truth. Next the word the TNIV translates as Gentle and the KJV renders "moderate" could be rendered suitable. If you thesaurus suitable it carries some really cool meanings but simply it means don't be rigid, be flexible. Approach things with open hands. This is everything I am bad at I prioritize rightness way above being suitable. I think this is why I am jammed most of the time. I hate collaboration, getting along, taking the time to see all sides. I think I would have made a great foot soldier in a conquering army. Show me what to smash and I'll smash it. Nice simple, straightforward and not at all useful in obtaining sanity. But until I can do that I can't receive truth and it's valuable side kick, my holy grail, peace. I am so glad that God does not wait for us to get this idea 100%. His kindness leads us to repentance even if our repentance is only a good 10% of ourselves. And now that we can receive truth we can begin with a conversation in prayer filled with questions and answers. The word here for prayer is a prayer in a specific place addressed to God. The Jews would try to designate places that were quiet and near water so that they could begin their prayer times with the washing of their hands. The next word supplication is the idea of speaking from where we are lacking-our souls poverty. It is the supplication prayer and pain of not being able to have children like the one that Zechariah prayed in Luke 1:13. For me it is the prayer that I pray about, "why I am I such a jerk and how can I change that without losing who I am?" I have tried not to be redundant when I pray. God knows my needs so I try to broach the subject from different angles or when I feel like I have new revelation. Thankfulness must always encompass prayer. We have so much to be thankful for. If I think back to the darkest parts of my existence here on earth I can always find some modicum of grace and joy. It has taken me years of processing and practice to learn this but it has been well worth it. Thankfulness is a act of rebellion against evil and evil has no answer for a thankful heart. When I am regressing thankfulness is always missing in me. When I get this right, then the thing we all want in every walk of life, every class, every strata of the human and animal existence is made available to us. "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Phil 4:7)" The meaning behind "transcend all understanding" is the idea that Gods peace will be superior in rank to any other thought we have. Guarding is literally in a military sense that it will defend me against my enemies. So in my finiteness as I worry about every little thing that bears little real effect on eternity but has real effect on my health and well being God's protective, active Peace is key to my peace. So to keep this peace once obtain 4:8 has the key. "⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Media in general will not persuade you to think on these things. It will convince you the only way to be happy is to be balanced. To think about everything. To dwell on evil as much as good. But a diet of 50% junk food and 50% health food is a diet that will kill you. Maybe later I can explore this idea some more.