I hate Halloween. It is the day that the world celebrates the power of fear and evil. It’s stupid. Don’t get me wrong, I hand out candy to all the kids who come to the door (even the teenagers who should not be trick or treating anymore but that’s a different blog entry) and our kids participate cause…look, I live on this planet and it is not a hill I am dying on. If you like Halloween great….I’m happy for you, but I hate it. I know all the arguments about it’s all for fun and people make to much of it but in my mind it fits in the realm of good vampire movies….News Flash, there is no such thing as good vampires….that’s why they are vampires. Monsters are bad too. Duh. What is so hard about this logic? Whatever and anyway, I just find it interesting that Halloween and elections are both a celebration of fear. Whoever can make me fear the most gets my vote. If you can convince me the other team doesn’t have a reflection when they look in the mirror or that they howl at the moon I will probably vote for you. Seriously, have you looked at the Photoshop work they do on the really expensive political postcards that they send out? The opposition’s expression and menacing eyes make them look like the devils ugly brother! Well happy-The-Do-Da-Halloween-Day all over again!
I believe both sides have good people who sincerely believe their views will change the world if only they could have a long enough run at leadership. So, for the most part, we who cast our votes are probably the sensible middle who understand our shortcomings at least to some degree but elect those who, on paper appear to be like minded to represent us in our state capital or in Washington D.C. The only problem is those who want to be elected are usually more radical and narrow minded and we set them up to fight against their equally polar counterparts hence, nothing really changes. And once they bite the neck and taste the seductive blood that power brings…game, set, match they turn into ghoulish political monsters. Maybe on the outside they are baby kissers but on the inside they have changed into something of the underworld.
Consider the life we cause political representatives to lead. If they are local, they keep their day jobs and with any spare time they have to focus hard on “the issues” and how to wheel and deal to make the people they represent (at least the majority of us) happy. With the other time that they don’t have because it doesn’t exist, they beg, steal or borrow, so that they can gear up for their next campaign and strategize to denounce their enemies worth to their voters. Soon their missing their kids soccer games and dates with their spouse and holidays with their family, till the only thing left is higher aspirations of power which is nourished by their constituents words that in the end, become their only source of life (another beautiful run on sentence). And for those who are in Washington their lives are even more dismal and soulless. Am I saying all politicians fall into this category? No, probably those who only serve one term can be rehabilitated by a wooden stake through the heart (Ish, that might have been to harsh but it drives home the point. Oofta, that was a pun, my bad).
Nevertheless, we don’t care as long as we get our way. We can’t communicate with or understand each other so we elect people to deal with those we don’t want to. To force people to believe what we believe we use politics like it is nothing but a football game and next week we can throw the winning touchdown. Has this ever worked? Have we ever won by controlling another group of people? John Mayer has this song that often haunts my thoughts when I am feeling judgmental it is called “Belief” it goes a little something like this,
“Is there anyone who Ever remembers changing their mind from The paint on a sign?
Is there anyone who really recalls Ever breaking rank at all For something someone yelled real loud one time
Everyone believes In how they think it ought to be Everyone believes And they're not going easily
Belief is a beautiful armor But makes for the heaviest sword Like punching under water You never can hit who you're trying for
Some need the exhibition And some have to know they tried It's the chemical weapon For the war that's raging on inside
Everyone believes From emptiness to everything Everyone believes And no one's going quietly
We're never gonna win the world We're never gonna stop the war We're never gonna beat thisIf belief is what we're fighting for
What puts a hundred thousand children in the sand Belief can, Belief can
What puts the folded flag inside his mother's hand Belief can, Belief can.”
This song causes me to reflect on why I believe what I believe.
Funny how Jesus handled his political status differently. He dealt with it in the micro scale knowing his words, once they caught fire in our lives would eventually affect the macro world. Look at this,
“1Now there were some present at that time who told Jesus about the Galileans whose blood Pilate had mixed with their sacrifices. 2Jesus answered, "Do you think that these Galileans were worse sinners than all the other Galileans because they suffered this way? 3I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish. 4Or those eighteen who died when the tower in Siloam fell on them—do you think they were more guilty than all the others living in Jerusalem? 5I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish…22Then Jesus went through the towns and villages, teaching as he made his way to Jerusalem. 23Someone asked him, "Lord, are only a few people going to be saved?" He said to them, 24"Make every effort to enter through the narrow door, because many, I tell you, will try to enter and will not be able to. 25Once the owner of the house gets up and closes the door, you will stand outside knocking and pleading, 'Sir, open the door for us.' Luke 13
(emphasis mine)
Doesn’t this example sound like the moral police trying to decide how we should all live? When people ask Jesus to side with them he refuses and says, don’t worry about others and their eye specks (Matthew 7:5) but YOU…you be a leader by repenting. And don't worry about if others are going to be saved but YOU...you make every effort to stay on the narrow path.
Again, someone asks Jesus to use his popular clout to agree with them to force someone else to change and Jesus responds,
13Someone in the crowd said to him, "Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me."
14Jesus replied, "Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?" 15Then he said to them, "Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions." Luke 12
(emphasis mine)
Does this last section sound like our debate over taxes and where they should go? Both parties try to make us believe that the sum of our lives a worth is wrapped up into what we have or don't have. But Jesus says the kingdom of God is different. It is like this,
18Then Jesus asked, "What is the kingdom of God like? What shall I compare it to? 19It is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his garden. It grew and became a tree, and the birds of the air perched in its branches."
20Again he asked, "What shall I compare the kingdom of God to? 21It is like yeast that a woman took and mixed into a large amount[a] of flour until it worked all through the dough." Luke 13
In other words the Kingdom of God has to start out in a small group of people that are infected not by ideas but with self-awareness (I know who I am and I need to repent) and grace (I don’t know every thing so I should be careful how I judge) for others because they choose to hear one another.
No matter how many times I go over this I find that I am a conflicted conservative.
Conflicted because I have a story and it affects my worldview. I grew up among people who acted sub-human and I don’t like them. I label them the American poor or at least the pool of American poor I was acquainted with. As I look back at my story, I have through hard work and determination rose out of the ghetto and the craziness of the inner city and I don’t have many found memories of the people or places I left behind. many of the ones I hear about still choose to make excuses for themselves as they wonder why things suck. They suck because they make stupid choices. That might sting to some of you but I am being honest about my bias. I am not defending it. Not saying I am right just letting you know what is going on in my goofy little brain. I don’t have much sympathy for the American downtrodden but I can send money to the poor in India. People who live in Indian never beat me up or abused me the way the American poor have. Just saying. And for those, who care for the American poor, your life story has brought you to that place where you see them as something that can become better…awesome, but when we vote we are going to vote completely differently. And this is just one of the many examples I could list but by the end I will have some haters out there so I will quit while I am behind.
So tell me where is the forum that we can get together and talk in a third space so we can get to know each other? A place we can walk away and not have to persuade or even agree at the end? Where it is not a debate but a forum of ideas where we don’t have to vote against one another. I want things to be different I don’t want to feed the monsters and vampires but I am an American who only understands the system I was born into and when I consider Europe or communistic countries (read Child 44 that will cure you of communism) I don’t consider them to be a brain-trust to follow either. So if anybody has any bright ideas do share cause in the immortal words of Elvis Costello, “what’s so funny bout piece, love and understanding.”
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Why are we tested?
My BFF Cheryl and I were conversing after the service on Sunday about why God tests us and it really got me thinking, which led to a pile of books on my coffee table and Firefox tabs open to a obscene amount with maps and other bible-web paraphernalia and here is what I am in process with. We all to some extent are influence by a lack of diverse ideas in our lives and possibly at the church we attend. There are some ideas that have been reinforced so many times that we think they our own but they are not. What did I just say? Simply put, I am interested in challenging myself and maybe you by serendipity or maybe your response will be, "duh, I already knew that dumb, dumb." If you don't like what I propose, that is cool with me, we can still enjoy a nice "Cab" together as long at it is reasonably priced, but I digress. This may seem like four wheeling in Washington State with a rental Mazda 5 (I heard about someone doing that by accident once) but maybe we'll learn something.
Thirty Six verses in the O.T. use the Hebrew word H5254 - "nacah" translated:
The Gesenius's Lexicon says that the word "nacah" has the idea that you test something by smell. That's right, God smells us so....yeah. The second word "bachan" is a word used when you touch something or use a touchstone to test it's purity. For instance by using a touchstone you can discover the amount of gold or other precious metals that make up a rock. (Ps 26:2, 1Cor.3:12-14). So God proves us by feeling us out too. Both of these words are used for men "testing" God as well even though God tells man not to test him, He sometimes accepts the test and proves himself. i.e. Exodus 17 (Israelite's "test" God and even though they are told not to, God still shows up and provides water. Also, "where your fathers tested and tried me, though they had seen what I did. (Psalm 95:9 italics mine showing both words for test in the same sentence)
The Israelite's that enter the dessert after the Exodus get stuck there because they never complete their critical path and are left there while God waits till their kids are ready (Numbers 14).
Judges 3 says God "assayed" the children by leaving some of the minor enemies of Israel and he did this "2 (he did this only to teach warfare to the descendants of the Israelites who had not had previous battle experience)".
In every Bible verse that uses either of these words seem to emphatically promote that God is sometimes upset, sometimes bewildered, always long-suffering, always faithful, believing and hoping all things (1 Cor 13) but he is waiting to see something in us to move us on to the next step of our critical path and because we have free will he has to wait, he can't force us and he won't make us learn. (I know you are wandering, "but I thought God knew everything", apparently, to be in relationship with us, he appears willing to limit his foreknowledge. I know some are you a thinking, "I thought he only test us so we would learn something about ourselves not so he could learn something?" Maybe you right but what I was taught about hermeneutics and exegesis is that I am not suppose to read meaning into a passage if I can't find in a the Bible a clear statement of a theological belief in other words I can't find anywhere in N.T. or O.T. where God says, "when I test you it is so you learn something about yourself not so I learn something about yourself." No where not once. I can't explain it, I am just saying that is what it says. Maybe a later date I will tease that idea out more but until then I welcome open discussion on that matter. Nevertheless, I say all that to say this. God has plans to prosper you and not to harm you and His test are not about some kind of school grade it is like life coaching. When I Coach youth sports, I "try" and "test" each player at each position and then I make a Critical Path to help them develop and succeed in sports. Sometimes I hold them back from shooting, throwing, swing or kicking in certain situations so that they don't become discourage; meanwhile I am chearing on every success and lifting them up in the areas they still need growth. How much more your heavenly father would do the same for you.
Grace and Peace
Thirty Six verses in the O.T. use the Hebrew word H5254 - "nacah" translated:
prove 20 times, tempt 12 times, assay 2 times, adventure 1 times, try 1 time but that is not the only word used. Another word H974 - "bachan" is alternate word for testing and is translated: try 19 times, prove 7 times, examine 1 time, tempt 1 time and trial 1 time
The Gesenius's Lexicon says that the word "nacah" has the idea that you test something by smell. That's right, God smells us so....yeah. The second word "bachan" is a word used when you touch something or use a touchstone to test it's purity. For instance by using a touchstone you can discover the amount of gold or other precious metals that make up a rock. (Ps 26:2, 1Cor.3:12-14). So God proves us by feeling us out too. Both of these words are used for men "testing" God as well even though God tells man not to test him, He sometimes accepts the test and proves himself. i.e. Exodus 17 (Israelite's "test" God and even though they are told not to, God still shows up and provides water. Also, "where your fathers tested and tried me, though they had seen what I did. (Psalm 95:9 italics mine showing both words for test in the same sentence)
With so many choices what makes a translator translate a word the way they do? Context, theological upbringing, consultation with other translators (that usually have the same theological bent that they do) and prayer. I am not knocking the translators I just want to understand it for myself.
Before we talk about the actual passages lets consider the culture and time period where we are introduced to these words. To our modern ears testing gives a connotation of school with pass or fail notions. But these people were farmers and herdsman that only attended the school of "hard knocks." 8000 years ago, to "test" something they would smell it to see if it was ripe/ready or touch it to see what it was made of. i.e a touchstone was used to see how much Gold was in a rock. Another word that could be used that translators would accept is the word assay. According to dictionary to assay something is to assess or see what someone or something is made of. I think that is what God was doing, He was not testing them (pass/fail) He was seeing what they are made of so He could decide what they could handle next. My friend Nathan Bloom is really smart and he says God has a growth chart for all of us but some areas of growth can't begin until some other areas of growth are completed. He says in the project management field it is called the critical path. check this out:
The essential technique for using Critical Path Method [6] is to construct a model of the project that includes the following:
- A list of all activities required to complete the project (typically categorized within a work breakdown structure),
- The time (duration) that each activity will take to completion, and
- The dependencies between the activities
The Israelite's that enter the dessert after the Exodus get stuck there because they never complete their critical path and are left there while God waits till their kids are ready (Numbers 14).
Judges 3 says God "assayed" the children by leaving some of the minor enemies of Israel and he did this "2 (he did this only to teach warfare to the descendants of the Israelites who had not had previous battle experience)".
In every Bible verse that uses either of these words seem to emphatically promote that God is sometimes upset, sometimes bewildered, always long-suffering, always faithful, believing and hoping all things (1 Cor 13) but he is waiting to see something in us to move us on to the next step of our critical path and because we have free will he has to wait, he can't force us and he won't make us learn. (I know you are wandering, "but I thought God knew everything", apparently, to be in relationship with us, he appears willing to limit his foreknowledge. I know some are you a thinking, "I thought he only test us so we would learn something about ourselves not so he could learn something?" Maybe you right but what I was taught about hermeneutics and exegesis is that I am not suppose to read meaning into a passage if I can't find in a the Bible a clear statement of a theological belief in other words I can't find anywhere in N.T. or O.T. where God says, "when I test you it is so you learn something about yourself not so I learn something about yourself." No where not once. I can't explain it, I am just saying that is what it says. Maybe a later date I will tease that idea out more but until then I welcome open discussion on that matter. Nevertheless, I say all that to say this. God has plans to prosper you and not to harm you and His test are not about some kind of school grade it is like life coaching. When I Coach youth sports, I "try" and "test" each player at each position and then I make a Critical Path to help them develop and succeed in sports. Sometimes I hold them back from shooting, throwing, swing or kicking in certain situations so that they don't become discourage; meanwhile I am chearing on every success and lifting them up in the areas they still need growth. How much more your heavenly father would do the same for you.
Grace and Peace
Saturday, August 28, 2010
The necessity for motion
When I think of my elementary years I don’t usually have very fond memories. I usually think about how much I moved, reminisce about the violent and crazy people I knew and how unstable my life was at that time and then I usually skip forward to when I was seventeen and accepted Jesus as lord and life leader. But recently, in a unguarded moment I found myself reflecting on how important it was for me back then that I was in constant motion. This lead me to think about my parents situation back then. My parents did not have the greatest upbringing either. Both of them had to overcome unbelievable obstacles that were stranger then fiction (their childhood's would make Stephen King have nightmares). So when they married they came together with all their baggage and passed on to their children (most of it seemed negative) but one thing was positive...motion. A pivotal moment in our family was when my dad was laid-off from his long standing job of 17 years in 1981 and we lost everything. Both of my parents educations didn't exceed the 8th grade so manual labor was the only opportunity provided them but they chose that instead of government assistance even when government assistance would have given us more. In the third grade, I remember having to get up at 4 A.M. to go with my dad to start the coke ovens at a company called PermaCoat plastics, driving a forklift around the plant for fun (once I knocked down a flight of stairs, oops), after the morning plant chores I was taken to school by another plant worker named Robert E. Lee (I kid you not), spending the day at school, then going to the Uniontown Polish club (yes, I learned to play pool and polka) where my dad bar tended all night, only to starting the process all over again the next day. My dad and mom both worked at the plant, my mom stripped incoming pipes and my dad did a little of everything else. My dad made $2.85 and hour at the plant and even less at the Polish club and to add insult to injury the factory wouldn't pay him sometimes for a month. Some weeks we had nothing to eat but canned corn and canned tomatoes heated up with powder milk to drink. We lived in the projects and other run down housing. Once, my parents bought a duplex for $10,000 but soon lost it to the bank because they couldn't afford it. Life was unbelievably hard but my parents never gave up motion. They fought, kicked, scraped, had nervous break downs, were depressed, got back up, separated, drank to much, got new jobs, moved, clawed, bit, climbed, fell, bled, cried, tried, failed, pulled their hair out, found Jesus, lost him, found him again, went to school, worked harder, found a Steele mill in New Jersey, retired, went back to school and stayed together. All the while staying in motion...riding momentum. I honor that. I think their lesson saved my life. I have been on the edge of depression and suicidal tendencies I have been addicted to lying and pornography and fighting and cheating and I dropped out of High School and tried to out do Paul for the "chief of sinners" title meanwhile, I found Jesus all the while following in my parents foot steps of motion, work (I have been gainfully employed since I was twelve) and falling forward. So there is this little verse in the bible that says, "But those who wait on the LORD
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint."
Isaiah 40:31
and earlier in the passage I am assured of my redemption and that God is holding all things together. It use to bother like it bothered Tom Petty, (yeah, the waiting IS the hardest part) cause I am no good at waiting it frightens me. When I am not in motion I feel like the darkness will catch up and swallow me but I think I am starting to understand it, waiting does not mean we a stagnant it means we don't try to form answers to questions that God has not clearly spoken about. In other words, we move forward while we live with questions. Why is this world so messed up? Why do I want to hurt myself? Why are there stillborn babies born? Why are my parents alcoholics? There are endless questions that start with why and they can cause us to freeze like deer on a dark road in the middle of the night which is for them the worst time to wonder, "why is it so bright over there to my left, that's weird (famous last words)?" the best thing for us to do is keep moving. Luke 18 has this great passage about this very thing, persistence and motion which epitomizes everything we love about the apostle Paul and other bible character's of faith.
Luke 18
The Parable of the Persistent Widow
1Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. 2He said: "In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared about men. 3And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, 'Grant me justice against my adversary.'4"For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, 'Even though I don't fear God or care about men, 5yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won't eventually wear me out with her coming!' "
6And the Lord said, "Listen to what the unjust judge says. 7And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? 8I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?"
Faith is not psychological certainty but persistence into a idea like "God is good all the time" and then in all my questions I will begin with the premise God is good which will fuel my motion forward and eventually answers or peace on this side of heaven. We are assured that our persistence will not fall on blind eyes or deaf ears in heaven. So keep on fellow travelers and may God bless your feet.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
A need for a tribe
Lately, with everyone moving away or talking about moving I have been sad. If you looked at me, you wouldn't know it cause...you know, I'm a tough guy. But a week ago, while driving to a far away destination, I kinda broke down in my minivan and really was grieving the loss of some close friends. My church family structure has been in upheaval for the last few years as well and it takes so long to get to know new people that I am not that keen on the prospects. One of the main reasons for this is it takes a long time to define yourself. You have to define you normal self as well as your weird self balanced against the parts of yourself that is ugly or just plain unkind. And many times, by the time you define who you are the person you have opened up to figures out they don't like you and never will, leaving you with the process of starting over again.
This made me think about how it must have been way back when towns were small or people lived in tribes. In the past, I have only thought of the downside of such an arrangement. The myopic view of the world, the limited opportunities and the lack of privacy seemed to outweight any good that could come from such a communal paradigm. However, lately stacked up against the alternatives I find myself pining for such an establishment. Think about the fact that tribal chief never moves on to become chief of a better and bigger tribe. Roles within the community aren't necessarily based on popularity or prestige cause how do you look down upon the only source of clean water bearers or food preparation experts or cloth menders-every role is life essential. Lives are intertwined so closely that it would be hard to hide an "issue"; stuff would have to be dealt with.
We scoff at the ways of the amish or native americans while we chase after emptiness and success that never brings happiness or internal peace. I guess like Neil Young said, "keep on rockin' in the free world" cause the alternative would be....change.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
My Resignation
Do you ever get the feeling you don’t know what is really going on? Like Rip Van Winkle, I feel like I have been asleep for 20 years and have awakened to discover that my reality has been altered. Maybe I have always been asleep…maybe I still am; but I can recall an event 20 years ago when I started going to church and I felt like I had found “truth” and truth woke me up. But did it? It feels like my respite was only a minute and I moved from one mode of slumber to another, possibly something darker. In the later dream-state like the former I feel like something sinister is pulling puppet strings and only the characters faces have been altered.
When I accepted Jesus as Lord the crowd I ran with handed me a manual but it wasn’t the Bible. It looked like a Bible but it was interpreted for me with footnotes that held the agenda of that particular “in crowd”. Then I went to college and there I was given a different Bible with different footnotes but the principles were the same; I am dumb, weak, and incapable of true understanding so if I stick to their rules I will somehow get a trophy handed to me in heaven. I was taught to repeat after them phrases and cliché’s that after awhile all sound bromide. I was told who the good guys were (us) and who the bad guys are (them) and it was all very black and white and tidy.
Funny how similar my work life reminds me of my religious life. There too, I have a manual that looks like a Bible and has footnotes so I know when to bow and laugh and brown nose; it is all very nice. The world system is set up so that we either fail, sacrifice our integrity or we choose to face a much darker end, one in which we don’t recant and they burn us at the stake of public opinion. The true individual with an untamed “I” is always despised because it reflects back at the world its lack of realism.
That is all broken now. I realize it was the same puppet master pulling the strings. I was duped and I am angry. Angry at myself for letting this happen. Angry, that I am thirty-seven years old and still a stranger to myself. Angry that those who reach for power with good intentions are always lying to themselves and us about how corrupted they are. That the processes that are needed to find your true-self are called pride and heresy by the religious establishment for no other reason but to control and manipulate the masses. I am angry at the masses for willingly choosing to be controlled just so they don’t have to think or become real. I am angry that I have chosen the way of control and I am one of the biggest offenders of this lie. I am angry that in the name of altruism so many have been trampled so that we can feel superior.
Now what? The pious, atheist, agnostics and apathist are all the same. A third are pure evil, a third are disillusioned and the other third are still journeying on. I am not sure which group I am in. All I know is when this reality hit me the impact could not even register on a seismographic scale. I have nothing else to offer on this subject. I trust so very few. I am sure the Trinity exists and what they have said about themselves is true but I am aware that I don’t even understand what I just wrote about them fully. I see as though through a mirror and a funhouse mirror at that. Right now, I feel like I don’t know how to get a hold of them anymore not because they won’t answer, I just don’t trust myself to know their number. I haven’t used scripture throughout this little diatribe, not because I don’t believe in it anymore but because I don’t trust myself to use it in such a way that I won’t manipulate you with it for my own self-centeredness.
Why am writing this? I think I needed to write a letter of resignation. I quite. I don’t want to rule the world anymore. I don’t want to be associated with organizations or movements that want to either. I am sorry for all the pain I have caused. I am sorry I don’t have any answers for anyone. I am just….sorry.
When I accepted Jesus as Lord the crowd I ran with handed me a manual but it wasn’t the Bible. It looked like a Bible but it was interpreted for me with footnotes that held the agenda of that particular “in crowd”. Then I went to college and there I was given a different Bible with different footnotes but the principles were the same; I am dumb, weak, and incapable of true understanding so if I stick to their rules I will somehow get a trophy handed to me in heaven. I was taught to repeat after them phrases and cliché’s that after awhile all sound bromide. I was told who the good guys were (us) and who the bad guys are (them) and it was all very black and white and tidy.
Funny how similar my work life reminds me of my religious life. There too, I have a manual that looks like a Bible and has footnotes so I know when to bow and laugh and brown nose; it is all very nice. The world system is set up so that we either fail, sacrifice our integrity or we choose to face a much darker end, one in which we don’t recant and they burn us at the stake of public opinion. The true individual with an untamed “I” is always despised because it reflects back at the world its lack of realism.
That is all broken now. I realize it was the same puppet master pulling the strings. I was duped and I am angry. Angry at myself for letting this happen. Angry, that I am thirty-seven years old and still a stranger to myself. Angry that those who reach for power with good intentions are always lying to themselves and us about how corrupted they are. That the processes that are needed to find your true-self are called pride and heresy by the religious establishment for no other reason but to control and manipulate the masses. I am angry at the masses for willingly choosing to be controlled just so they don’t have to think or become real. I am angry that I have chosen the way of control and I am one of the biggest offenders of this lie. I am angry that in the name of altruism so many have been trampled so that we can feel superior.
Now what? The pious, atheist, agnostics and apathist are all the same. A third are pure evil, a third are disillusioned and the other third are still journeying on. I am not sure which group I am in. All I know is when this reality hit me the impact could not even register on a seismographic scale. I have nothing else to offer on this subject. I trust so very few. I am sure the Trinity exists and what they have said about themselves is true but I am aware that I don’t even understand what I just wrote about them fully. I see as though through a mirror and a funhouse mirror at that. Right now, I feel like I don’t know how to get a hold of them anymore not because they won’t answer, I just don’t trust myself to know their number. I haven’t used scripture throughout this little diatribe, not because I don’t believe in it anymore but because I don’t trust myself to use it in such a way that I won’t manipulate you with it for my own self-centeredness.
Why am writing this? I think I needed to write a letter of resignation. I quite. I don’t want to rule the world anymore. I don’t want to be associated with organizations or movements that want to either. I am sorry for all the pain I have caused. I am sorry I don’t have any answers for anyone. I am just….sorry.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
When Worlds Collide
I did something today that was probably ill-advised although on the surface it would seem pretty innocuous. I started off the day by attending one of the most successful mega-churches in the world, Hillsong, Sydney, downtown campus, and ended the day at a community of Jesus followers that was so obscure that the neighbors around the gathering place were unaware they were even there (Small Boat Big Sea). The obvious twisted symbiosis that these organisms share when juxtaposed with one another is quite striking. This little entry is just my way of "thinking out-loud"
Hillsong: I woke up at 6:30 and headed to a bus stop 45 minutes early to catch a free bus provided by Hillsong for it's downtown attenders that I found out about on there website. They have 3 morning service and one evening service on Sunday and one on Saturday night, I chose the 8:05 am service cause I had stuff to do at 9:30 am. I had guess where I thought the bus would actually stop because none of the locals or paid central bus station professionals new anything about the church pickup location. Eventually, some Hillsong perishers wandered up and we waited about 20 minutes together without anybody acknowledging my existence. After we were picked up there was a passenger in the front to tell me how exciting it was to be at Hillsong today cause we were going to hear about the Vision of the church. When we arrived at the church we were met with a umbrella brigade that got us in the door dry (it was raining hard) where about five thousand greeters shook my hand and welcomed me while the smell of coffee from the coffee bar and the modern interior with numerous plasma displays captivated my ofactory and eyes.
Contrast:
SBBS: I am in Sydney to work so after taking pictures of Federated marketer's at the beach, I meandered up to the Fairlight area of Manly beach and arrived about an hour early for....church. There was a lady about 30 years old holding a guitar sitting on the front steps of a old Baptist church that is now the William Street Art Studio. She said Hi and said she was just waiting for her husband to arrive with the keys to the church and while we were standing there, various people drove or walked by and informed us they were all running a bit late and would be there soon, they turned out to be the musicians in charge of "worship" that night (No one in Australia cares that much about time or promptness I am finding out...not even Starbuck's employees). So me and Row (the lady on the steps) stood there conversing like old friends about church and life and kids and we were soon joined by her husband who was toiting their 15 month old daughter on one hip and a coos coos salad he had made for tonights gathering in his hands.
Hillsong: We stood in the lobby waiting for the ushers dressed in uniform (every one that was "staff" had on black slacks and the black Hillsong heart shirt) to drop the ropes blocking the way to the sanctuary and there were a lot of hustle and bustle going on as people found out in the lobby figuring out where they needed to be or do or go with kids and teens and people were ordering latte's and asking questions at the information desk; the place was a buzz. As I looked around I couldn't help to notice how culturally diverse Hillsong was. I found out later the locals call it the immigrant church and that was pretty cool. Soon the ropes came down and we entered the chilly, dark, technologically advanced sanctuary of Hillsong, downtown campus. It was really impressive. Six huge screens and a stage full of beautiful and talented people were ready to lead us in worship with big smiles on there faces while the video director and 6 cameramen chose just the right camera angles of musicians, instruments and singers to fill the screens accented with graphics and lyrics for us to follow along with, it was quite stirring and I found myself with my hands in the air lost in worship.
SBBS: Once we had the doors unlocked Dan, Row's husband, gave me the choice of just hanging out and listening to the musicians practice or helping him setup. I chose help setup. So just like one of the family, I carried plates out, poured water and wine in glasses (they thought it was funny how many glasses I filled with water, oops) and generaly got to meet people as they came in carrying whatever homemade dish they brought to pass for that night.
Hillsong: After worship, a pastor got up and welcomed us and talked about how excited he was that it was Vision Sunday, we were instructed that a video had been put together by senior pastor Brian Houston and that he would be sharing with us the vision of the church. A offering was taken up with the traditional plate passing while the pastor warned us that the video would most likely blow us away so we were asked to please refrain from texting or emailing our friends so they would get an equal chance of being blown away as well. The video was one of the best videos I have ever scene. It was moving and inspiring and it really made you want to do "something". It interweaved the lives of three families and how God had touched them through Hillsong and the video was laced with commentary from world renown speaker and Hillsong Senior Pastor Brian Houston saying how he always wanted to start a church that made a difference and that is why along with there campus's in Sydney, London, Kiev, Cape Town, Stockholm and Paris they were going to expand there ministry in New York City and I was informed that I was a part of this by financially giving and getting "plugged in" locally. Getting involved was as easy as attending an upcoming conference or if I was talented in the arts let someone know and if I wasn't I could clean bathrooms or serve coffee. I was in and out of the service in roughly 50 minutes and I was back on the bus heading back to my hotel ready to get on with my busy day. I will say this, I talked a couple that goes to a conservative Lutheran church back in Owatonna to go with me and Tim L. to Hillsong and the husband ended up raising his hand for a re-dedication of his life or to accept Jesus as his savior I don't know which but the service had a definite impact on him.
SBBS: After everyone was gathered many people literally greeted each other with a kiss on the cheek while kids ran around our feet chasing each other. Then, a little one page bulletin was handed out that said "welcome" and it informed me what this whole night would be like in a paragraph of text. One of the people who attended this gathering is Michael Frost who is a seminary professor and world renowned Christian speaker but he wasn't at the gathering that night and actually rarely taught but always attended. When I said I heard about their group when I heard Michael speak in Minnesota most everyone rolled there eyes irrelevantly and in tounge in cheek fashion said, "oh yeah, michael is a big deal." Come to find out every week at SBBS, it is someone else's turn to lead. Every Sunday someone different is in charge of the four L's. Which they call their Rhythm. Here is what they say about it:
Our Rhythm
We encourage one another to live by a simple rhythm - Look, Listen, Learn, Live. So we regularly think:
Look – How can I be attentive to God and to others this week? What have I seen or heard of God’s work in my world?
That night they chose the song "Hands" by Jewel and Row and the band performed with the help of some little girls who inpromtu got up and sang the chorus, followed by a short discussion of the meaning of the lyrics as we ate a meal together. After the meal the kids were in charge of clean up with the guidance of the person in charge that week for set up (Which was Dan)
Listen – To whom can I make myself vulnerable this week & in what ways have I opened myself others?
Sarah Chose the Rob Bell Nooma video called "Luggage." And talked a little about her journey into a life of forgiveness.
Learn – What have I learned from God’s Word this week & in what ways am I seeking to embody that learning?
Nick P. a seminary graduate, spoke on a passage from acts and then we broke into small groups to discuss. I must say, the conversation was lively and people were respectful and attentive to whoever was speaking.
Live – How can I make myself available to God for his purposes this week?
This is most interesting. Normally at this point someone shares how God is teaching them to be like Jesus and people in the group give input and affirm that person or if appropriate offer guidance. This night the person who was on the docket to speak got water in there house and couldn't attend.
We started at 5:30 and didn't break it up till 8 P.M.
In the end they said they would be talking over thier collective "Vision" next week on Saturday over breakfast together and they would decide together where they would be going this next year "and no, the world famous Michael Frost would not even be in attendance.
After saying goodbye like I would see them next week I trekked back down the hill to catch the Ferry back to Sydney and I could help feeling like my head was a atom that has been in a particle accelerator all day. Can Jesus' bride so strikingly different depending on which profile I see. And where do the thousands of traditional denominatiolly driven churches like Bethel or trinity in little old Owatonna fit into this brave new world? I am not here to make up your mind for you, you are just going to have to be living in the question with me.
Hillsong: I woke up at 6:30 and headed to a bus stop 45 minutes early to catch a free bus provided by Hillsong for it's downtown attenders that I found out about on there website. They have 3 morning service and one evening service on Sunday and one on Saturday night, I chose the 8:05 am service cause I had stuff to do at 9:30 am. I had guess where I thought the bus would actually stop because none of the locals or paid central bus station professionals new anything about the church pickup location. Eventually, some Hillsong perishers wandered up and we waited about 20 minutes together without anybody acknowledging my existence. After we were picked up there was a passenger in the front to tell me how exciting it was to be at Hillsong today cause we were going to hear about the Vision of the church. When we arrived at the church we were met with a umbrella brigade that got us in the door dry (it was raining hard) where about five thousand greeters shook my hand and welcomed me while the smell of coffee from the coffee bar and the modern interior with numerous plasma displays captivated my ofactory and eyes.
Contrast:
SBBS: I am in Sydney to work so after taking pictures of Federated marketer's at the beach, I meandered up to the Fairlight area of Manly beach and arrived about an hour early for....church. There was a lady about 30 years old holding a guitar sitting on the front steps of a old Baptist church that is now the William Street Art Studio. She said Hi and said she was just waiting for her husband to arrive with the keys to the church and while we were standing there, various people drove or walked by and informed us they were all running a bit late and would be there soon, they turned out to be the musicians in charge of "worship" that night (No one in Australia cares that much about time or promptness I am finding out...not even Starbuck's employees). So me and Row (the lady on the steps) stood there conversing like old friends about church and life and kids and we were soon joined by her husband who was toiting their 15 month old daughter on one hip and a coos coos salad he had made for tonights gathering in his hands.
Hillsong: We stood in the lobby waiting for the ushers dressed in uniform (every one that was "staff" had on black slacks and the black Hillsong heart shirt) to drop the ropes blocking the way to the sanctuary and there were a lot of hustle and bustle going on as people found out in the lobby figuring out where they needed to be or do or go with kids and teens and people were ordering latte's and asking questions at the information desk; the place was a buzz. As I looked around I couldn't help to notice how culturally diverse Hillsong was. I found out later the locals call it the immigrant church and that was pretty cool. Soon the ropes came down and we entered the chilly, dark, technologically advanced sanctuary of Hillsong, downtown campus. It was really impressive. Six huge screens and a stage full of beautiful and talented people were ready to lead us in worship with big smiles on there faces while the video director and 6 cameramen chose just the right camera angles of musicians, instruments and singers to fill the screens accented with graphics and lyrics for us to follow along with, it was quite stirring and I found myself with my hands in the air lost in worship.
SBBS: Once we had the doors unlocked Dan, Row's husband, gave me the choice of just hanging out and listening to the musicians practice or helping him setup. I chose help setup. So just like one of the family, I carried plates out, poured water and wine in glasses (they thought it was funny how many glasses I filled with water, oops) and generaly got to meet people as they came in carrying whatever homemade dish they brought to pass for that night.
Hillsong: After worship, a pastor got up and welcomed us and talked about how excited he was that it was Vision Sunday, we were instructed that a video had been put together by senior pastor Brian Houston and that he would be sharing with us the vision of the church. A offering was taken up with the traditional plate passing while the pastor warned us that the video would most likely blow us away so we were asked to please refrain from texting or emailing our friends so they would get an equal chance of being blown away as well. The video was one of the best videos I have ever scene. It was moving and inspiring and it really made you want to do "something". It interweaved the lives of three families and how God had touched them through Hillsong and the video was laced with commentary from world renown speaker and Hillsong Senior Pastor Brian Houston saying how he always wanted to start a church that made a difference and that is why along with there campus's in Sydney, London, Kiev, Cape Town, Stockholm and Paris they were going to expand there ministry in New York City and I was informed that I was a part of this by financially giving and getting "plugged in" locally. Getting involved was as easy as attending an upcoming conference or if I was talented in the arts let someone know and if I wasn't I could clean bathrooms or serve coffee. I was in and out of the service in roughly 50 minutes and I was back on the bus heading back to my hotel ready to get on with my busy day. I will say this, I talked a couple that goes to a conservative Lutheran church back in Owatonna to go with me and Tim L. to Hillsong and the husband ended up raising his hand for a re-dedication of his life or to accept Jesus as his savior I don't know which but the service had a definite impact on him.
SBBS: After everyone was gathered many people literally greeted each other with a kiss on the cheek while kids ran around our feet chasing each other. Then, a little one page bulletin was handed out that said "welcome" and it informed me what this whole night would be like in a paragraph of text. One of the people who attended this gathering is Michael Frost who is a seminary professor and world renowned Christian speaker but he wasn't at the gathering that night and actually rarely taught but always attended. When I said I heard about their group when I heard Michael speak in Minnesota most everyone rolled there eyes irrelevantly and in tounge in cheek fashion said, "oh yeah, michael is a big deal." Come to find out every week at SBBS, it is someone else's turn to lead. Every Sunday someone different is in charge of the four L's. Which they call their Rhythm. Here is what they say about it:
Our Rhythm
We encourage one another to live by a simple rhythm - Look, Listen, Learn, Live. So we regularly think:
Look – How can I be attentive to God and to others this week? What have I seen or heard of God’s work in my world?
That night they chose the song "Hands" by Jewel and Row and the band performed with the help of some little girls who inpromtu got up and sang the chorus, followed by a short discussion of the meaning of the lyrics as we ate a meal together. After the meal the kids were in charge of clean up with the guidance of the person in charge that week for set up (Which was Dan)
Listen – To whom can I make myself vulnerable this week & in what ways have I opened myself others?
Sarah Chose the Rob Bell Nooma video called "Luggage." And talked a little about her journey into a life of forgiveness.
Learn – What have I learned from God’s Word this week & in what ways am I seeking to embody that learning?
Nick P. a seminary graduate, spoke on a passage from acts and then we broke into small groups to discuss. I must say, the conversation was lively and people were respectful and attentive to whoever was speaking.
Live – How can I make myself available to God for his purposes this week?
This is most interesting. Normally at this point someone shares how God is teaching them to be like Jesus and people in the group give input and affirm that person or if appropriate offer guidance. This night the person who was on the docket to speak got water in there house and couldn't attend.
We started at 5:30 and didn't break it up till 8 P.M.
In the end they said they would be talking over thier collective "Vision" next week on Saturday over breakfast together and they would decide together where they would be going this next year "and no, the world famous Michael Frost would not even be in attendance.
After saying goodbye like I would see them next week I trekked back down the hill to catch the Ferry back to Sydney and I could help feeling like my head was a atom that has been in a particle accelerator all day. Can Jesus' bride so strikingly different depending on which profile I see. And where do the thousands of traditional denominatiolly driven churches like Bethel or trinity in little old Owatonna fit into this brave new world? I am not here to make up your mind for you, you are just going to have to be living in the question with me.
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